Skip to main content

It's just the way I am...


Be honest.
How many times have you tried to change someone?

Personally, I've put a lot of energy in trying to change friends, colleagues, managers, family members and yes... boyfriends.

And it wont surprise you... It didn't work.

In my work as a trainer I'm sometimes confronted with participants in workshops who are there simply because their manager thinks they need to change.
And just like my friends, colleagues, managers, family members and boyfriends: They wont change simply because someone else wants them to.

People only change if they want to themselves.

However, change can be pretty scary. So one of the most heard arguments I get is:

"But this is just the way I am... "

Not exactly true according to Tony Robbins, American NLP guru.
He says you CAN change behavior in four steps:

Step 1. Identify the behavior you want to change.

Step 2. Define the negative feelings that cause this behavior. What will it cost you if you continue to maintain this behavior? How does the frustration, pain or insecurity feel that is caused by the behavior?

Step 3. Imagine what the new behavior could look like. What would you be doing differently and what will you gain with it? Try to really feel these positive feelings. Like you are already doing it.

Step 4. Force yourself, whenever you fall back into the old behavior, to bring back the feeling of step 3. The trick is to recognize the old behavior in the moment and act in a different way than you always have.

Time, after time, after time, after time.

Sounds simple. But trust me, it's damn hard work...
However, in the end it will be worth it.

Because over time the new behavior will become automatic and your old mindset has slowly changed. Our brains have adjusted and neuroscience shows that they will be able to keep adjusting no matter how old we are.

So good luck with trying out these four steps.
And don't forget to have some fun whilst doing it.

Because the easiest way to change, is to enjoy the ride.



Would you like some help with changing your behavioral change? InterACT WA provides hands on coaching to teams and individuals. Click here and find out more! 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Emotions at work? Yes please!

  "I was biting my tongue the whole time"  "Gosh, he makes my blood boil"  "I wish she would just get off my back"  “There is a knot in my stomach”   These are all common idioms which are related to where emotions can settle in our body. We especially notice it during those tricky conversations.  But weirdly enough, even though our body is telling us exactly what is going on, we hardly listen to it.  A missed opportunity because they are crucial signals that remind you to use your communication skills and our emotional intelligence.  What to do?    -        *  Do you notice tension in your body? Do you feel your heart beat faster? You may find it an exciting conversation. Ask yourself: What do I find exciting or difficult? -        *  State what you see or feel. Such as: "I notice my heart is beating fast and there is a knot in my stomach. I feel uncomfortable.”   -       *   Examine your own judgment of emotions. What do you th

How we help Leaders Learn more Deeply

Much research has been done into effective ways of learning. But we can cautiously say that learning is too complex an activity for conclusive theories. Which is not to say that we are in the dark. An educational thinker who has stood the test of time is David Kolb. In the 1970s and 1980s, this learning psychologist developed an influential and useful concept about learning that can also be found in all of our InterACT WA Communication & Leadership training courses. What is it?  Kolb divided the learning process into four phases. He saw them as cyclical, so he put them in a circle. Whoever wants to learn something, according to Kolb, must go through every phase of the circle. And not once, no, often you have to go through the circle a few times to get to what really matters: to learn more deeply. Learning more deeply means: you can remember what you have learned and apply it in practice. You don't have to be an educationalist to see that as a wonderful outcome of learni

5 reasons role play fails

Role playing is one of the most effective learning methods. Especially when you choose to work with a professional actor. Surprisingly it’s also one of the most misused techniques.  So what goes wrong? Well, pay attention and learn which 5 failures make role play fail miserably: 1. Unsafe practice   environment Most people are not dying of enthusiasm to do a role play simulation. That is why its extremely important to invest time and effort in creating a safe practice environment. Never ever push people intro a role play scenario if they really don't want to. They wont learn a thing and will only be more reluctant to do so in the future. 2. No alignment between learning goals and role play.  The role play has to be completely dedicated to the learning goal of the participant. Unfortunately sometimes people are eager to change the role play into an interesting theatrical scene. Perhaps fun to look at, but not very helpful to the participant. No role play s