How many times have you tried to change someone?
Personally, I've put a lot of energy in trying to change friends, colleagues, managers, family members and yes... boyfriends.
And it wont surprise you... It didn't work.
In my work as a trainer I'm sometimes confronted with participants in workshops who are there simply because their manager thinks they need to change.
And just like my friends, colleagues, managers, family members and boyfriends: They wont change simply because someone else wants them to.
People only change if they want to themselves.
However, change can be pretty scary. So one of the most heard arguments I get is:
"But this is just the way I am... "
Not exactly true according to Tony Robbins, American NLP guru.
He says you CAN change behavior in four steps:
Step 1. Identify the behavior you want to change.
Step 2. Define the negative feelings that cause this behavior. What will it cost you if you continue to maintain this behavior? How does the frustration, pain or insecurity feel that is caused by the behavior?
Step 3. Imagine what the new behavior could look like. What would you be doing differently and what will you gain with it? Try to really feel these positive feelings. Like you are already doing it.
Step 4. Force yourself, whenever you fall back into the old behavior, to bring back the feeling of step 3. The trick is to recognize the old behavior in the moment and act in a different way than you always have.
Time, after time, after time, after time.
Sounds simple. But trust me, it's damn hard work...
However, in the end it will be worth it.
Because over time the new behavior will become automatic and your old mindset has slowly changed. Our brains have adjusted and neuroscience shows that they will be able to keep adjusting no matter how old we are.
So good luck with trying out these four steps.
And don't forget to have some fun whilst doing it.
Because the easiest way to change, is to enjoy the ride.
Would you like some help with changing your behavioral change? InterACT WA provides hands on coaching to teams and individuals. Click here and find out more!